Trying To Find Balance

Today was a rough day for me, extremely emotional to say the least. I wasn’t sure I was even in the mood to write my post today, but I couldn’t bring myself to break this new habit. It’s a bit of a reflective and candid blog post today.

Since the birth of my daughter, I’ve been quiet about the emotional turmoil going on inside. Before you say, “POSTPARTUM DEPRESSION!”, trust me it’s not that. I know depression all too well from my teens and early twenties. What I’ve been feeling is different, almost lonesome and poor self-image.

I had to admit this to my husband today. Not an easy conversation for us to have and one that was very self-reflecting for him as well.

And hold that thought….laundry needs to be put in the dryer! *Plays cute hold music* Okay, where was I…ah yes, revealing to my husband how unbalanced my life seems and how my emotions have been wreaking havoc internally.

Now please don’t get me wrong, I absolutely love my life, but I don’t feel myself. I feel unbalanced and what I mean by that is, I don’t have an outlet other than blogging every day. Leaving the house has been…difficult with this terrible weather recently. I don’t have an activity or class to attend once a week. My close friends and family all live far, except for one, but I don’t see her often any more. The weight gain after the pregnancy was due to the stress of breastfeeding, so that is winding down some, but definitely making my weight loss a bit of a struggle to get rolling. That blasted scale is evil I tell you!

I need to find balance.

My photography is a great outlet for my creative side, along with my wood burning…’I should really get back to that soon‘. Reading has been good lately as well, keeping my mind focused and imaginative. But my physical and social is the real problem.

My weight loss journey will be a long one; Rome wasn’t built in a day, after all. I need to have patience. And I know the pregnancy changed my body in a lot of ways. But it’s hard to look at a picture from before the pregnancy, where I had started my weight loss journey initially and then now. I need my gym outlet back! It was extremely therapeutic for me to go in with my workout plan and just lift weights. The stress, anxiety, everything just melted away and I felt great. I miss it quite a bit. However, now I have to think; When can I go? Who will watch the baby for us? Can I change my schedule to go super early in the morning? All good questions and all without an answer. Unbalanced.

The social aspect; well I thought about mommy support groups and such, but to be completely honest, it doesn’t feel like something I’d enjoy. I thought about taking a class, my husband also suggested it today as well. A cooking class would be nice, or maybe a language class, but not sure where I’d go for that. I do try to keep in touch with my friends and family the best I can, but everyone has their own lives. Understandably so. But what do I do? How do I fix it? Unbalanced.

This doesn’t just happen to pregnant women, I’m sure everyone goes through this at some point in their lives. Maybe I’m just abnormal in this postpartum recovery and this is my time to restructure and re-balance.

How do you deal with your life when it becomes unbalanced?

Ciao!