I’ve thought about many different topics to blog about today; everything from my day all the way to breast weaning. But I’ve landed on this topic: Cutting out negativity.
Every since I’ve given birth I’ve dealt with this, let’s say “funk” because I wouldn’t call it depression. It’s just a sense of blah. I am a perfectionist on a good day and I hold myself to a high standard, but when I get into a bad head space, well it’s much worse. Small “failures” tend to feel like giant cavernous holes, when in actuality, it’s so minute that it doesn’t really matter.
Since I’ve been in this funky head space, I haven’t been feeling myself. It took me 31 years to truly find who I was and to start truly loving myself and embracing me, quirks and all. Now, I constantly have negative thoughts toward myself, how I am as a mom and who I am in general. Now, I will admit there are influences from many different avenues contributing to these negative thoughts.
After a particularly rough time with my daughter and unable to soothe her, my husband came home to a crying screaming baby, in which he happily took and immediately consoled her. I walked away to cry in our bedroom. It’s a reality that most mothers face, I don’t care what these “perfect” Internet Influencers claim, it happens to us all. It was the straw that broke the camel’s back yesterday. And I needed the release.
I then had a very deep, meaningful and tear filled conversation with my husband last night about everything I was holding inside. Oh, did I mention I love bottling up my feelings until I burst and just let the tears flow? Yeah, I’m one of those! But I needed to get it out.
I told him everything and I mean EVERYTHING. My feeling of inadequacy as a mother, my negative self image, feeling judgment from others for being different, even things I’ve been feeling toward him and who I ultimately want in my life. He listened very intently while I bawled my eyes out and vented about everything. When I finished he proceeded to tell me his thoughts, his feelings, how he saw me (physically, mentally, emotionally) and some of the most incredible words I ever heard him say to me (besides I love you) was this, “If something or someone is not making you happy, cut out the negativity from your life. Your happiness is all that matters, and it’s time to be selfish, especially with the way you are feeling. You just had a baby, you are a new mother, you don’t need the added stress and negative impact in your life. Focus on you and what makes you happy.”
Crazy how right he is, isn’t it?
I’m tired of feeling this way, and I don’t want Valeria to see me this way as she gets older. I know she is a baby now, but I want to set a good example for her, both physically and emotionally. So, I’ve decided to take my husband’s advice. I’m going to cut out all the negative aspects of my life. I started doing this while I was pregnant, cutting those who weren’t there for me before and during that time. I think it’s time to pick up where I left off, to start a new.
I need to get my head space in check and this is how it’s going to go: I’m going to be distancing myself from unnecessary things, tasks and people. Plain, simple and to the point! I’m tired of stressing myself out to fit a cookie cutter mold of what people think I should be as a mom or as a person in general. I’m done. I’m a bit of a weirdo and I want to raise my child the way I see fit.
I’m also starting to think social media is a death trap that I don’t really want to be a part of any longer as well. I think I’ll be disabling those too. If people need to get a hold of me; you’ve got my number, or my husband’s or hell even my parents number. I’ll get the message one way or another.
Sometimes, you just need a good cry, amazing eye-opening advice and a re-assessment of your life.
Let’s get to work!
Ciao!!
Mama on the Move 
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