Conflicted

As you all know, I’ve started therapy and it’s been about two months now that I’ve been attending. It’s been really helpful, but also really difficult. And this is something that I think I’ll probably discuss in my next session.

I’m a pretty intuitive person and when someone doesn’t like or likes me I sense it immediately. Could say either I’m good at reading people or I can feel people’s energies, whichever option you choose is fine by me.

Nevertheless, I myself don’t like being fake and it isn’t true to who I am as a person. However when I’m around certain people, I have to hide who I am and my personality….it sucks and truly destroys me emotionally. I had to be that way throughout most of my childhood/teens and I am finally comfortable with who I am. I’m tired of being “bullied” by the mean girl crowd.

But am I perfect? NO! Am I judgemental? Yes. Am I too honest for most people? Hell Yes! Could most people handle the real me? Absolutely not! I am not the easiest person and my walls are extremely high, so I only let those who deserve it past those walls – in turn they gain my loyalty and friendship. I’m also not a stranger to conflict, I’d prefer if you come to me with your problems and we can work it out like ADULTS. **If I would scratch underline adults on this post I totally would. **

Now you are probably wondering, ‘Why are you ranting about this?’ I’ll tell you…

I’ve been dealing with a situation that has basically plagued me for a long time now and I’ve always just played the civil/nice card because I thought it would be easier that way. Even when I’ve been made to feel strange, invalid, less than and so many other feelings. Being spoken to in a condescending way and with passive aggressive commentary thrown in when possible has made the situation unbearable at times. But I’ve kept my mouth shut, only recently snapping back.

But I’m tired and I don’t want to play the nice card any more. But how do I separate myself from this? How do I stay true to myself and who I am without causing a battle? Because I’ll be honest, my first instinct is confrontation.

Maybe my therapist will have an answer, because if I learn a method to handling this type of difficult situation, I’ll also be able to pass this on to Valeria. A lesson she will surely learn later in life. Not everyone has to like each other, that is for sure. But can everyone co-exist with each other either? That I’m not sure of.

We’ll see what happens. Thanks for letting me rant, until next time..

I hope you have a wonderful day or night wherever you are in the world.

Ciao