As you all know, I’ve started therapy and it’s been about two months now that I’ve been attending. It’s been really helpful, but also really difficult. And this is something that I think I’ll probably discuss in my next session.
I’m a pretty intuitive person and when someone doesn’t like or likes me I sense it immediately. Could say either I’m good at reading people or I can feel people’s energies, whichever option you choose is fine by me.
Nevertheless, I myself don’t like being fake and it isn’t true to who I am as a person. However when I’m around certain people, I have to hide who I am and my personality….it sucks and truly destroys me emotionally. I had to be that way throughout most of my childhood/teens and I am finally comfortable with who I am. I’m tired of being “bullied” by the mean girl crowd.
But am I perfect? NO! Am I judgemental? Yes. Am I too honest for most people? Hell Yes! Could most people handle the real me? Absolutely not! I am not the easiest person and my walls are extremely high, so I only let those who deserve it past those walls – in turn they gain my loyalty and friendship. I’m also not a stranger to conflict, I’d prefer if you come to me with your problems and we can work it out like ADULTS. **If I would scratch underline adults on this post I totally would. **
Now you are probably wondering, ‘Why are you ranting about this?’ I’ll tell you…
I’ve been dealing with a situation that has basically plagued me for a long time now and I’ve always just played the civil/nice card because I thought it would be easier that way. Even when I’ve been made to feel strange, invalid, less than and so many other feelings. Being spoken to in a condescending way and with passive aggressive commentary thrown in when possible has made the situation unbearable at times. But I’ve kept my mouth shut, only recently snapping back.
But I’m tired and I don’t want to play the nice card any more. But how do I separate myself from this? How do I stay true to myself and who I am without causing a battle? Because I’ll be honest, my first instinct is confrontation.
Maybe my therapist will have an answer, because if I learn a method to handling this type of difficult situation, I’ll also be able to pass this on to Valeria. A lesson she will surely learn later in life. Not everyone has to like each other, that is for sure. But can everyone co-exist with each other either? That I’m not sure of.
We’ll see what happens. Thanks for letting me rant, until next time..
I hope you have a wonderful day or night wherever you are in the world.
Quick little health update since I didn’t report on it after my doctor’s appointment.
I went to see the doctor on July 14th for some test results. My blood work has improved; Iron is going up (slowly but surely), Vitamin D is at a normal level again (all that sunshine!), sugars were slightly elevated but she wasn’t too concerned, and cholesterol has dropped slightly with the weight-loss. Also, my ultrasound of my abdomen didn’t show anything significant other than a small kidney stone on the left side and that my gallbladder had been removed.
My doctor knows how I am and I’m very determined to do this naturally, so she doesn’t think pills are necessary at this time, however it is on the table if things don’t improve. I don’t want that, so I am trying my damnest to prevent that medical intervention. I’ll only do it if it’s a dire necessity. But we are going to redo my blood work in a few months, so we are on-top of it.
Now, I’m only waiting for my pelvic ultrasound that will be done in September. Because apparently, that was the earliest they had.
Tiny update!
Hope you have a wonderful day or night wherever you are in the world!
I’m keeping this one short and real — mostly because I’m under the weather today. Not quite curl-up-in-bed-with-tea-and-movies sick, but enough that my energy’s running on low. To make things extra fun, Valeria has been dealing with a little summer cold too. It’s been a few days of lack of appetite, fussiness, and the classic toddler mystery: something is clearly wrong, but no one can say exactly what.
Honestly, sometimes I wish toddlers came with a little dashboard that just lit up with alerts: “throat sore,” “needs snuggles,” “soup only.” Wouldn’t that be helpful?
Anyway, this post isn’t about colds or wishful toddler tech. Today’s more of a real talk moment.
This year has been a bit of a roller-coaster. Emotionally and physically, I’ve been feeling stuck. I’ve been trying to push through, doing the right things — moving my body, eating well, keeping routines — but I hit a wall. So, after some serious reflection (and a lot of Google searches), I’ve decided to start therapy.
I recently had a consultation with a therapist I really clicked with. I searched for someone with the exact areas of focus I felt I needed, and it paid off. She was warm, easy to talk to, and felt like a safe space from the first few minutes. I know, I know — that’s kind of what therapists do. But sometimes, you just get a good gut feeling about a person, and this felt right. My first official session is on July 29th — wish me luck!
I truly believe that our mental and physical health are tightly connected. While I’ve been doing everything “right” on paper — lifting weights again, walking daily, sticking to a calorie deficit — I’m still not seeing much change in my weight. It’s frustrating. And to be honest, I slipped today and binged a bit. I haven’t done that in a long time. I don’t have a perfect explanation for it — it just happened. But instead of spiraling into guilt, I’m choosing to acknowledge it and move forward. Progress doesn’t mean perfection.
One of the biggest challenges I’m still working on is comparison. It’s too easy to look at someone else’s journey and feel like mine isn’t enough. But healing isn’t a race, and self-growth doesn’t come with a finish line. I’m learning to unlearn unhealthy habits and building health ones, slowly but surely.
So that’s where I’m at. A little bit of a sore throat, a little tired, but still trying. Therapy is a new chapter for me — one that feels necessary and overdue. I’m choosing to be proud of the small steps and gentle with the setbacks. If you’re in a similar place, just know it’s okay to pause, reassess, and ask for help. You’re allowed to be a work in progress.
Because that’s where I am and will be for a while.
I hope you have a wonderful day or night wherever you are in the world.
It’s been a bit of chaos in the house and well, Valeria’s last set of molars has decided to start making their presence known this week. It hasn’t been an easy two days with little sleep last night and a fussy baby girl. Nevertheless, it’s been….blows out air calmly….interesting.
However here’s a little health update for me, let’s roll!
Ever since the miscarriage, I haven’t been feeling my best. Scratch that, ever since Valeria was six months, my health issues started. After a lot of stubbornness on my part, I decided that it was time to focus on my health and wellness. I was tired of feeling sick, fatigued, bloated and nauseated. So when we moved, I really started to make my changes.
I changed my diet pretty drastically to be honest, started counting my calories and moving way more. I learned over time that I have trouble with tomato sauces, ketchup, dairy and most breads/tortillas except for sourdough and corn tortillas. Now I drink almond milk, only eat fresh tomato sauces (I’ll post that recipe later this week!) and try to substitute other carbs instead of bread when I can.
Unfortunately, I still haven’t been feeling the best, so I went to the doctor for a bit of a check-up. She was impressed with the weight loss I’ve achieved since April; nearly down 20 lbs I am happy to report! But with the stomach and pelvic issues I’ve been having, we are going to proceed with some further testing. Ultrasounds and blood work, which are all booked over the next few months. Hopefully everything comes back clean, but we shall see! If not though, we will proceed with the next steps.
But that’s about it, I’ve been dealing with some health things behind the scenes that no one really knew about and my body finally told me enough was enough. It was time to start truly listening and to be honest, I’m happily obliging. I want to be healthy and a good role model for Valeria. I also want to be around for her for a long, long time.
So wish me luck and I’ll keep ya posted on my journey along the way.
Hope you have a wonderful day or night wherever you are in the world!
On September 27th, I had to make the very hard decision to put my cat Salem down to rest. It was something I had anticipated, but not quite so soon since I had nursed her back to health many times this year. But I think she felt it too. I won’t divulge too much, but my mental well being has been…not so great.
With us being away so much these past two months, it seems that it may have stressed her more than I realized having me away from her. I came back in September to find her frail, weak and not doing well at all. She seemed to perk up a bit after a few days of having us home, but I knew she wasn’t well.
That Friday, I took her to the veterinarian only to find out she has been battling either Cancer or Kidney disease. It broke my heart to make that decision, but I knew that if I kept her alive and suffering, it would have been selfish of me. Now as I write this, I’m tearing up; something that often happens at least once a day since.
I was a mess and thankfully Valeria isn’t old enough to understand or have to explain why she is no longer here. However, she now calls her black cat stuffy “Sa’em” and so we refer to her cat as Salem now. Often cuddling with it and pretty much taking it everywhere with her.
She was a beautiful cat and I have no many memories of my time with her and right now that’s what I have to remember. Though I must admit, I don’t have the heart to deal with getting rid of her things just yet, it’s still too hard. I also am having a hard time going to get her paw print from the veterinarian’s office, though I really should this week.
I also had to put on a really brave face for my husband’s birthday with his family the following day after that happened, which was hard. I was so numb and no one knew and I intended to keep it that way. I didn’t want to ruin his special day.
Nevertheless, the loss is a great one and I feel it every day, but I hold on to the love and wonderful memories I have of her. Just as I do my other cat Paige. I hope they are somewhere wonderful together.
Now you may be wondering, ‘Huh, how is there going to be a part two to this?’ Well dear reader let me tell you. Not only is there a whole lot physically going on in your body, BUT emotionally as well. Hormones do some crazy things, let me tell you.
Remember when I spoke about Calm Magnesium Powder and Bach Rescue Pastilles lozenges? Yeah, those were helpful for me the first month because emotionally…..I was a disaster! I couldn’t sleep, even though I was exhausted, but the anxiety and worry about my baby was overwhelming.
Here is a story for you, indulge me for a moment: The day after I gave birth, I woke up so early my husband was concerned. He had no cause for concern….so I thought and I informed him I was going to shower. I needed to have a shower and feel like a human being, so I hopped in. What I didn’t expect is to have a full out bawling session for no apparent reason. I just started crying, and I’m not talking soft girly cries….no, no….BAWLING. I couldn’t understand it. I had this beautiful little girl now, my birth went incredible, so why?
It’s a big life change to have a child and I feel like people don’t talk about the after effects quite enough. My hormones were all over the place (still are might I add, but slowly balancing themselves out) and my emotions were on high, in every way. I mean from extremely happy, to crying to agitated and EVERYTHING in-between. I’m sure my husband would gladly attest to that!
I didn’t know how to handle it at first and my only solution was to run to the bathroom when I felt like I was about to have a crying session. It was so bizarre! Who knew this was going to happen? I had heard of Postpartum Depression, a good friend of mine went through it after both her children, but you never think it will happen to you.
Now, I’m not a medical professional and I am only informing you of what worked for me; so please take what I have to say with a very open mind and a grain of salt. Plus after reading this you might think ‘Wow, she’s not okay..’ and that could very well be true, however it’s just my journey. However right or wrong it is.
The Calm Magnesium Powder and Bach Rescue Pastilles lozenges helped with my mood and sleep, but only for a short while. I than began taking my usual supplements again: Vitamin C, Vitamin D, Fish oil, and Beef Liver. It seemed to help, but not entirely. When I was able to walk outside again, that really helped my moods. The fresh air, the activity and just the pure silence I got to have on the walks was immensely helpful. Baby sleeping in her stroller as I just….Walked.
Talking to my husband, friends and family about how I was feeling and asking for advice was major. I tend to hold my feelings inside, bottling them up until I blow like a hot kettle. However, I was navigating this blind and I needed to talk. I needed information and knowledge from people who’ve been through this.
My Midwife and Doula would constantly ask me at my follow-up appointments how I was doing, not just my daughter, but me. I was always honest, informing them that it was tough. They always made great suggestions: being active, talking to people, getting out of the house, but also to seek medical attention if I really needed it. Great advice by the way.
I do highly recommend if you are having severe Postpartum Depression to seek medical attention from a professional. It’s not a joke and everyone is affected differently.
My body is working to balance it’s self out in many ways, both hormonally and emotionally. There are days when I’m happy and energetic and others when I’m blah and tired. The tired also stems from my Iron deficiency, so double whammy! But I’ll be completely honest, for me personally, I prefer natural methods of treatment over pharmaceuticals. But that doesn’t always work for everyone.
Now, what feels like a billion years ago after having birth was only 10 months ago and I’ve finally got a game plan and working on myself emotionally and physically. Taking my supplements, eating better, and getting physically active. The little one keeps me on the go now that she’s crawling.
Not sure if the imbalance is normal for this long and in hindsight I probably should speak to my family doctor about it, however we all have our processes.
Just remember: you gave birth to a little one and so much is happening all at once, physically and emotionally. Never forget, you need to take care of yourself as much as your newborn. They need you more than anything and you can get through this. And again, seek medical attention if your way isn’t working the way you hoped.
Let’s be real here, you just pushed out a tiny human being….OUCH! Now, not only do you have to care for yourself, but for them, so how do you manage?
I’ll be frank here and say, I was not taught about postpartum care in school. They put the fear of God in us about premarital sex and the repercussions, but never about what happens after baby.
So why isn’t this really discussed?
It wasn’t until I dove deep into threads, books and discussions with those who have had babies in the last two years, that I found out the truth. I really didn’t care before I had a child of my own, to be fair, it’s not like I went searching for the information because I just HAD to know. But I wish I wasn’t so oblivious to it for so long as a woman.
“What the hell is a Peri bottle?” “They have cold pads for your coochie?” “I have to wear diapers?!”
Yup, those were just some of my thoughts and it’s all that and so much more.
I had a 26 hour natural labor and it was exhausting to say the least. Do I regret it? No, absolutely not. I was fortunate enough to have no major tearing, yes ladies….you tear and for some women so badly they need some serious stitches down below. I had micro-tears, still unpleasant needless to say. But that’s why the Peri bottle is so important.
I didn’t think to take a diaper to my birth, in fact, most clinics or hospitals will provide you with some or very GIANT thick pads to put in your underwear. Highly uncomfortable might I add. That’s what I was given at the clinic, a ginormous pad. It kept me protected enough to make it home and throw on a diaper. Thank goodness the clinic was only five minutes from my house, so it didn’t stay on long.
I always laugh because my daughter and I were both in diapers at the same time! Now that’s a bonding moment if there ever was one.
So remember how I said I went deep down the rabbit hole for information, well people made suggestions for things to buy for recovery. My purchases were as follows:
Peri Bottle – An absolute must
Loose fitting nightgown or Pajamas – Oh yeah
Calm Magnesium Powder – This helped a lot
Tucks personal cleansing pads (cooling and soothing) – Refunded, didn’t even open them
Frida Mom Perineal Cooling Pad liners – Refunded, didn’t even open them
I personally felt most comfortable wearing a diaper for a while and eventually switching to a pad when the bleeding became lighter. And the Peri bottle was MAGIC! I personally preferred warm water when I used it, just felt better and more soothing for me. I lived in my loose fitting nightgown and over-sized pajamas for a good while, also very loose fitting clothing if I had to venture out for whatever reason. And the Magnesium powder I’d throw in water and it helped with my mood and recovery. The lozenges also helped with my mood and surprisingly helped me sleep as well. You go through a lot emotionally to boot in Postpartum, which I’ll touch on more later.
And that was it. People suggested all sorts of herbal remedies, cooling pads, diapers, pads, period underwear, etc. But what it ultimately comes down to is your pain tolerance, what you went through during your birth (major tearing, c-section, etc) and what you want to spend your money on. Also, what you feel comfortable with.
Remember you gave birth to a little one, you may have tearing/stitches, you also have a hole in your abdominal wall from where the placenta was attached – the pain and healing process takes time. And it’s different for everyone!
As you can tell, my attempt at a play on words kind of sucks and Star Wars would be sadly disappointed in me right now. I’m also not a Star Wars fan, I know I know! Please don’t come for me, does my love for baby Yoda count for anything?!
It’s been a tough couple of weeks to be quite honest. I’ve been terribly sick with food poisoning, heat stroke, Iron deficiency and even parasites (YUCK!). Not to mention just within the last few days, my husband and daughter have been pretty sick, we think it’s food poisoning, but not entirely sure. There is definitely something going around this summer. Regardless, it’s been a bit of a struggle.
But I’d like to talk about the more positive points, instead of all the negative ones. Valeria is loving her swimming lessons, we are enjoying the summer heat (when we can and aren’t sick), we are spending plenty of time with family, I’m trying out new recipes (and tweaking as I go) and I’m trying to catch up on reading everything!
Below are the blueberry muffins I made today and I will link the recipe, if you are interested in giving it a go. I didn’t end up doing the topping because I thought it may be too sweet for Valeria. They turned out absolutely delicious! I will tweak this a bit next time and do a bit of experimenting by adding a touch of lemon to it and probably substitute the granulated sugar for brown sugar. I personally think brown sugar just gives a deeper flavour. Here is the original recipe: https://www.culinaryhill.com/blueberry-muffins/
I used frozen wild blueberries, I just let them thaw a bit as per the recipe. I found the blueberries at Costco!
Next recipe on the agenda is a Macaroni salad. If anyone has a recipe suggestion for this, please let me know!
That’s it for today and I’m glad to be back to writing. Hope all you lovely readers are doing well and enjoying your summer wherever you are in the world!
Sorry everyone for the missed posts, I haven’t been feeling well and as you know, moms’ don’t get breaks even during that time. I’m currently dealing with a number of health concerns, but am working through it slowly. My major one, developed during postpartum, is my Iron deficiency.
I’ll be taking about two weeks off right now to get a handle on things and focus on my health and my daughter as well. I just feel like I can’t give my blog 100% at the moment and that’s not really fair to those of you who follow me. But don’t worry, I will be back with a vengeance I promise!
I hope you have been having a wonderful summer and keep safe!
This is a post I kept going back and forth about writing for a number of reasons. But I’ve decided to share my story. This will be the first post in a series I will be doing.
***Disclaimer: I am not a medical professional, this is just my journey and what I learned. If you are having severe emotional struggles, depression or suicidal thoughts, please seek medical attention immediately. Thank you***
As a first time mother, I always knew I wanted to try breast feeding my baby. As you’ve probably heard time and time again, “Breast is best”…and to some degree it is. But for a lot of women it isn’t a possibility or even a consideration and that’s okay! You do what’s best for you and your child, you are the parent after all and a fed baby is a happy healthy baby.
However in my case, no one told me how difficult it could be or even the repercussions of stopping.
Before I gave birth, I could feel my body getting ready; my breasts were getting heavy and filling with milk. I was informed by my midwife that I should start collecting Colostrum also referred to as “liquid gold”. It’s essentially the thick first milk you produce while pregnant and just after birth. It is high in nutrients, antibodies and antioxidants, which greatly helps your baby’s immune system. So, I did what any mother would after hearing all those fabulous benefits, I bought syringes and began collecting! I collected 15 syringes in total, all varying amounts, but I was so proud of myself and felt ready to take on my breast feeding journey.
Unfortunately, my breast feeding journey with Valeria was a struggle to begin with and then was cut short due to illness. My supply tanked, what little I had to start and I tried everything to up my supply. You name it, I tried it. But I digress at the moment.
I was lucky enough to not have problems with her latching, it came so naturally, even when she was first born. She latched immediately, which I was told is a huge rarity. With the latch not being a problem, we soon found out it was my supply.
My supply was low; I kept attempting to feed her, but she wasn’t gaining the necessary weight, so in came the formula to help supplement what I couldn’t provide. Both my midwife and doula could see I was struggling and they made suggestions of things to try. My midwife suggested Milk Aplenty by Rumina. It was this foul tasting herbal supplement, that I would usually take with a small glass of orange juice to help mask the taste….didn’t really work though. Sadly, I began to noticed I was having a reaction to it; my throat was sore and hurt terribly and I eventually stopped taking it, but it worked!
At one point, my supply was so plentiful that I was leaking every morning and I was happy about it! I was pumping for night time feeds and breast feeding all day long. Though once I discovered the reaction to the supplement, I had to try other options: lactation cookies (nope), power pumping (no), different herbal supplements (yeah right!), even stupid teas (you must be joking? They didn’t work). Nothing worked and at one point I began to resent pumping. Neither the electronic or manual worked all that great, not to mention the little results it yielded.
In the month of December 2023, sickness came into play and took it’s toll on both Valeria and I. She wasn’t able to feed with her congestion and I had to be on antibiotics for a ruptured eardrum (yeah, that’s right, my congestion was so bad it popped my eardrum, nasty right?!). My supply tanked and was pretty much non-existent. I kept attempting to pump, but became discouraged when I would only produce 10-20 mls a day, if I was lucky. Eventually I had to make the very hard decision to stop and strictly formula feed.
Ultimately I wanted Valeria fed and not starving, but it left me feeling disconnected, worthless and a whole slew of emotions I can’t even fully describe. I even had some breakdowns because of it. It’s hard to describe how that loss of connection with your child feels. Almost like a void, an emptiness and I was only able to breast feed her for a very short time. Now imagine a mother who breast feeds for years.
To this day, I wish I could have fed her longer, but that wasn’t the journey we were meant to take. I’m still not fully recovered, but I’m trying to be patient with myself and allow the recovery to take it’s course. It’s getting better each day as I watch her grow and surpass milestones. Recovery time is subjective to the person in my opinion and mine is taking a bit longer. I’m a very emotional person deep down, though most people don’t know it.
While going through the aftermath of “weaning”, which I learned about after I stopped breast feeding. I really didn’t understand what was going on with me. I just thought, ‘Oh I’m feeling really melancholy, it must be postpartum depression…’ but no. Not everything can be chalked up to postpartum depression, it’s not always that simple it seems.
I was shown a video by a family member and I did further investigation into this as well, reading article after article. So I do encourage you to do your own research as well.
Now, I don’t take credit for anything I’m about to say, it all goes to this woman Danielle Facey, who has put in the work to gather the information which I will share now. I’m going to highlight what I think is important, so here it goes…
There is little to no research of the impact that weaning has on a mother’s body, however many women seem to share similar experiences. While you are pregnant, our oestrogen and progesterone levels shoot up, helping us to feel happy and healthy while we are expecting. However, in postpartum these hormone levels plummet and stay low for as long as we are lactating. But during lactation, our prolactin and oxytocin (our feel good hormone) rise, which helps us to feel calm, content and helps us as mothers to fall back to sleep after a night of nursing or pumping.
As we start to breast feed less and lactation lessens/stops, prolactin and oxytocin drop drastically. Because of this hormonal shift, it makes mothers experience an array of emotions and symptoms, such as:
Nausea, Headaches, Insomnia, Nightmares, Irritability, Depression, ‘Brain Fog’, Mood Swings, and more.
Some mothers hardly notice symptoms while other experience post-weaning depression or weaning blues. This can occur up to several months after weaning. Eventually other feel good hormones will come back to normal levels to help combat this. It just takes time, typically four to eight weeks.
This is temporary and things will get back to normal eventually, but if you are concerned please seek medical attention from a health care provider. You can try to cope with your symptoms by:
eating protein with each meal to balance blood sugar levels, necessary vitamins and minerals, regular exercise and exposure to sunlight (Vitamin D is key!)
Now, like I stated before, I think recovery time is subjective to the person. Medically, it’s hormonal shifts and swings, the body is quite fascinating, isn’t it? And yes, this contributes to emotional factors that you go through after weaning. But the emotional and physical connective link to your baby, well it’s special. When that link is chinked, it’s hard to navigate back to fix it.
So what’s the verdict here?
Well.. know that if you just had a baby and are breast feeding, it can be difficult and a true test in an already trying time. Some women are fortunate while others are not so lucky. But the journey is different for everyone and what you are feeling is “normal” in a sense. I really do hate to use the word normal, but you are not alone in your feelings. Try to do your best with breast feeding, try what you feel is good for you and go as long as you need to before you decide to wean. Only you know when you and your baby are ready to take that step.
Remember you are not only food (or as I referred to myself as a cow) for your child, you are so much more to them than that. You are their world!
The emotional turmoil you will or are going through after weaning is also “normal” and it does get easier with time. But don’t clock your recovery based on things you read or are told, take your time to work through the emotions and if need be, seek medical assistance. Don’t be ashamed.
You are never alone in your struggles postpartum, somewhere there is a mama going through the same things you are. It just seems Taboo to discuss them.
I want to change that.
Let’s uncover those Taboo topics together shall we?
Mama on the Move 
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