Tag: mental health

Posted in Health & Wellness

Conflicted

Posted on by Mama

As you all know, I’ve started therapy and it’s been about two months now that I’ve been attending. It’s been really helpful, but also really difficult. And this is something that I think I’ll probably discuss in my next session.

I’m a pretty intuitive person and when someone doesn’t like or likes me I sense it immediately. Could say either I’m good at reading people or I can feel people’s energies, whichever option you choose is fine by me.

Nevertheless, I myself don’t like being fake and it isn’t true to who I am as a person. However when I’m around certain people, I have to hide who I am and my personality….it sucks and truly destroys me emotionally. I had to be that way throughout most of my childhood/teens and I am finally comfortable with who I am. I’m tired of being “bullied” by the mean girl crowd.

But am I perfect? NO! Am I judgemental? Yes. Am I too honest for most people? Hell Yes! Could most people handle the real me? Absolutely not! I am not the easiest person and my walls are extremely high, so I only let those who deserve it past those walls – in turn they gain my loyalty and friendship. I’m also not a stranger to conflict, I’d prefer if you come to me with your problems and we can work it out like ADULTS. **If I would scratch underline adults on this post I totally would. **

Now you are probably wondering, ‘Why are you ranting about this?’ I’ll tell you…

I’ve been dealing with a situation that has basically plagued me for a long time now and I’ve always just played the civil/nice card because I thought it would be easier that way. Even when I’ve been made to feel strange, invalid, less than and so many other feelings. Being spoken to in a condescending way and with passive aggressive commentary thrown in when possible has made the situation unbearable at times. But I’ve kept my mouth shut, only recently snapping back.

But I’m tired and I don’t want to play the nice card any more. But how do I separate myself from this? How do I stay true to myself and who I am without causing a battle? Because I’ll be honest, my first instinct is confrontation.

Maybe my therapist will have an answer, because if I learn a method to handling this type of difficult situation, I’ll also be able to pass this on to Valeria. A lesson she will surely learn later in life. Not everyone has to like each other, that is for sure. But can everyone co-exist with each other either? That I’m not sure of.

We’ll see what happens. Thanks for letting me rant, until next time..

I hope you have a wonderful day or night wherever you are in the world.

Ciao

Posted in Health & Wellness

Making Space for Me in the Middle of Motherhood

Posted on by Mama

I’m keeping this one short and real — mostly because I’m under the weather today. Not quite curl-up-in-bed-with-tea-and-movies sick, but enough that my energy’s running on low. To make things extra fun, Valeria has been dealing with a little summer cold too. It’s been a few days of lack of appetite, fussiness, and the classic toddler mystery: something is clearly wrong, but no one can say exactly what.

Honestly, sometimes I wish toddlers came with a little dashboard that just lit up with alerts: “throat sore,” “needs snuggles,” “soup only.” Wouldn’t that be helpful?

Anyway, this post isn’t about colds or wishful toddler tech. Today’s more of a real talk moment.

This year has been a bit of a roller-coaster. Emotionally and physically, I’ve been feeling stuck. I’ve been trying to push through, doing the right things — moving my body, eating well, keeping routines — but I hit a wall. So, after some serious reflection (and a lot of Google searches), I’ve decided to start therapy.

I recently had a consultation with a therapist I really clicked with. I searched for someone with the exact areas of focus I felt I needed, and it paid off. She was warm, easy to talk to, and felt like a safe space from the first few minutes. I know, I know — that’s kind of what therapists do. But sometimes, you just get a good gut feeling about a person, and this felt right. My first official session is on July 29th — wish me luck!

I truly believe that our mental and physical health are tightly connected. While I’ve been doing everything “right” on paper — lifting weights again, walking daily, sticking to a calorie deficit — I’m still not seeing much change in my weight. It’s frustrating. And to be honest, I slipped today and binged a bit. I haven’t done that in a long time. I don’t have a perfect explanation for it — it just happened. But instead of spiraling into guilt, I’m choosing to acknowledge it and move forward. Progress doesn’t mean perfection.

One of the biggest challenges I’m still working on is comparison. It’s too easy to look at someone else’s journey and feel like mine isn’t enough. But healing isn’t a race, and self-growth doesn’t come with a finish line. I’m learning to unlearn unhealthy habits and building health ones, slowly but surely.

So that’s where I’m at. A little bit of a sore throat, a little tired, but still trying. Therapy is a new chapter for me — one that feels necessary and overdue. I’m choosing to be proud of the small steps and gentle with the setbacks. If you’re in a similar place, just know it’s okay to pause, reassess, and ask for help. You’re allowed to be a work in progress.

Because that’s where I am and will be for a while.

I hope you have a wonderful day or night wherever you are in the world.

Ciao!

Posted in Health & Wellness

Cutting Out Negativity

Posted on by Mama

I’ve thought about many different topics to blog about today; everything from my day all the way to breast weaning. But I’ve landed on this topic: Cutting out negativity.

Every since I’ve given birth I’ve dealt with this, let’s say “funk” because I wouldn’t call it depression. It’s just a sense of blah. I am a perfectionist on a good day and I hold myself to a high standard, but when I get into a bad head space, well it’s much worse. Small “failures” tend to feel like giant cavernous holes, when in actuality, it’s so minute that it doesn’t really matter.

Since I’ve been in this funky head space, I haven’t been feeling myself. It took me 31 years to truly find who I was and to start truly loving myself and embracing me, quirks and all. Now, I constantly have negative thoughts toward myself, how I am as a mom and who I am in general. Now, I will admit there are influences from many different avenues contributing to these negative thoughts.

After a particularly rough time with my daughter and unable to soothe her, my husband came home to a crying screaming baby, in which he happily took and immediately consoled her. I walked away to cry in our bedroom. It’s a reality that most mothers face, I don’t care what these “perfect” Internet Influencers claim, it happens to us all. It was the straw that broke the camel’s back yesterday. And I needed the release.

I then had a very deep, meaningful and tear filled conversation with my husband last night about everything I was holding inside. Oh, did I mention I love bottling up my feelings until I burst and just let the tears flow? Yeah, I’m one of those! But I needed to get it out.

I told him everything and I mean EVERYTHING. My feeling of inadequacy as a mother, my negative self image, feeling judgment from others for being different, even things I’ve been feeling toward him and who I ultimately want in my life. He listened very intently while I bawled my eyes out and vented about everything. When I finished he proceeded to tell me his thoughts, his feelings, how he saw me (physically, mentally, emotionally) and some of the most incredible words I ever heard him say to me (besides I love you) was this, “If something or someone is not making you happy, cut out the negativity from your life. Your happiness is all that matters, and it’s time to be selfish, especially with the way you are feeling. You just had a baby, you are a new mother, you don’t need the added stress and negative impact in your life. Focus on you and what makes you happy.”

Crazy how right he is, isn’t it?

I’m tired of feeling this way, and I don’t want Valeria to see me this way as she gets older. I know she is a baby now, but I want to set a good example for her, both physically and emotionally. So, I’ve decided to take my husband’s advice. I’m going to cut out all the negative aspects of my life. I started doing this while I was pregnant, cutting those who weren’t there for me before and during that time. I think it’s time to pick up where I left off, to start a new.

I need to get my head space in check and this is how it’s going to go: I’m going to be distancing myself from unnecessary things, tasks and people. Plain, simple and to the point! I’m tired of stressing myself out to fit a cookie cutter mold of what people think I should be as a mom or as a person in general. I’m done. I’m a bit of a weirdo and I want to raise my child the way I see fit.

I’m also starting to think social media is a death trap that I don’t really want to be a part of any longer as well. I think I’ll be disabling those too. If people need to get a hold of me; you’ve got my number, or my husband’s or hell even my parents number. I’ll get the message one way or another.

Sometimes, you just need a good cry, amazing eye-opening advice and a re-assessment of your life.

Let’s get to work!

Ciao!!