Tag: struggle

Posted in Daily Life as a Parent

Tough Day for Daddy

Posted on by Mama

Valeria has been out of sorts the past few days and even though we have been able to manage it, today was a difficult day, especially for my husband.

She woke up in a very bad mood and not quite sure why since she slept through the night. But she woke up screaming and crying, and my husband couldn’t soothe her at all. We couldn’t figure out why; we checked her teeth, checked her diaper, tried feeding her and nothing. I swooped in and held her, rocking from side to side until she calmed down. I laid her in bed with us, allowing her to crawl and play for a while until she was ready to go back to bed. Mind you this was happening at 6 AM. She woke up again around 9, again not a happy camper. My husband tried playing with her on her mat, than attempting to feed her finally woke me and I jumped out of bed.

Another moment to calm her and give my husband a break. Eventually we took her to the couch and let her play a bit, my husband and I chatted a bit. We decided to try feeding her on the couch, which we have never done before, but this was a special circumstance. She ate most of her breakfast with my husband holding her and I was spoon feeding.

I really don’t know where the morning went, but she went down for a late morning nap. She again woke up cranky, but she played on her mat and shortly after we went over to see my mom and brother. We were discussing the table set-up for the Baptism party. There was much more to do than we had initially anticipated, so we will have to go back during the week to clean up the basement at my Nonna’s house.

Again, I don’t know where the time went, because we headed home and she napped pretty much right away. Our idea to go to a country market fell through, so we will try again next week though. While Valeria napped, my husband napped with her.

Now you are probably wondering how it was a hard day for him. I believe they feed off of eachothers’ emotions. When Valeria is not having a good day, than he gets into the protector/I need to soothe her mood; however when it doesn’t work, she just gets more fussy. Both Libras, one more stubborn than the next and I’m suppose to be the fire sign (Sagittarius)! I’m the calm one in our little trio! She would cry every time he would hold her, attempt to soothe her, or do absolutely anything with her.

I was the only one who could soothe her at all, and I know the feeling my husband was going through. Feeling hopeless, useless and like I was failing. It’s difficult to go through a day like that and not wonder what you are doing wrong.

As a parent, you go through ups and downs, wonder if you are raising your child right, wanting what is best for them, and so on and so forth. But the days, like today, where everything just seems to be against you, like your child wants nothing to do with you, well it’s really hard emotionally. I know for myself that when I go through days like that with her, I eventually breakdown and cry. I’m sure any parent can attest to that. You pour your heart and soul into raising a good little human, and to have a tough day, it hurts.

I knew that my husband needed me; to soothe her, to feed her, to give him a breather, and not just be there for her but also for him. Sometimes, all you need as a parent is a hug and some reassurance from your partner that you are doing good. Sometimes we forget that and put all our energy on our little ones.

Eventually later that evening, their emotions calmed down and they became their normal happy selves. Playing and laughing together, tumbling around and just hanging out as they normally do. The rest of the evening went well.

I love my husband and will always be there for him. Sometimes, we just need a reminder from our partner that we’re alright.

Love you babe. (I know he reads this)

Ciao!

Posted in Health & Wellness

Step In the Right Direction

Posted on by Mama

I had every intention of doing a movie and television show review, and I will at some point this week, however it’s not going to be right now.

I took, what I think, is another step in the right direction for my weight loss journey. I’ve booked an appointment to see a Holistic Nutritionist. I know what you are probably thinking, “Why?”, well I’m going to tell you.

For years, I’ve been struggling to figure out how to manage and lose weight, all the while having my (now retired) family doctor tell me I’m over-weight. Then would never offer any type of solution or help. Smart right?

Before I got pregnant, my husband was kind enough to help me to improve and work on my weight loss journey. He saw that I was determined and worked with me to find a workout plan that I was comfortable with, and tried to get my eating in check.

But now that I went through a pregnancy and I’m currently postpartum, I feel like this has definitely made a shift in my body and hormones in more ways then one. Yes, I know I just created a little human in my body and things of course changed, but I’m struggling more then before.

That’s why I decided to make the conscious decision to go and see a Holistic Nutritionist. I’m hoping to get some answers and a lot of help to make the necessary dietary changes I need to get my butt rolling. Cause nothing I’m currently doing is working. I want to be healthy, but I’m at a standstill here. I’m also hoping that changing my way of looking at food will hopefully health my eczema as well, which stems from stress and I believe gluten.

Goodness, an Italian with a potential gluten sensitivity, Dio Mio! I love pasta too much to give it up!!

I see her on March 4th, and the assessment is an hour long for the first visit. I opted for in-person, not a video call. I feel like video calls are not as personal and I tend to like zone out to be honest. I’m hoping I mesh well with her, her profile on the clinic website seemed great, so I’m really looking forward to this.

On another positive note, my re-adjusted workout yesterday went well. I put some exercises aside for the time being until my muscles get back to the way they were and muscle soreness lessens when in recovery. Sounds strange, I know; but when you add extra stuff and your too sore the next gym day or on the third day to do those exercises again, it’s rough and discouraging. I just need to build up my strength. I have debated throwing in cardio somewhere, but I have to look at my workout schedule. All in all I’m happy with it at the moment!

I’m going to end it here and maybe start writing up my reviews, maybe. Valeria is having a tough day so I expect an equally rough night. Teething is brutal!

Ciao!!

Posted in Health & Wellness

Trying To Find Balance

Posted on by Mama

Today was a rough day for me, extremely emotional to say the least. I wasn’t sure I was even in the mood to write my post today, but I couldn’t bring myself to break this new habit. It’s a bit of a reflective and candid blog post today.

Since the birth of my daughter, I’ve been quiet about the emotional turmoil going on inside. Before you say, “POSTPARTUM DEPRESSION!”, trust me it’s not that. I know depression all too well from my teens and early twenties. What I’ve been feeling is different, almost lonesome and poor self-image.

I had to admit this to my husband today. Not an easy conversation for us to have and one that was very self-reflecting for him as well.

And hold that thought….laundry needs to be put in the dryer! *Plays cute hold music* Okay, where was I…ah yes, revealing to my husband how unbalanced my life seems and how my emotions have been wreaking havoc internally.

Now please don’t get me wrong, I absolutely love my life, but I don’t feel myself. I feel unbalanced and what I mean by that is, I don’t have an outlet other than blogging every day. Leaving the house has been…difficult with this terrible weather recently. I don’t have an activity or class to attend once a week. My close friends and family all live far, except for one, but I don’t see her often any more. The weight gain after the pregnancy was due to the stress of breastfeeding, so that is winding down some, but definitely making my weight loss a bit of a struggle to get rolling. That blasted scale is evil I tell you!

I need to find balance.

My photography is a great outlet for my creative side, along with my wood burning…’I should really get back to that soon‘. Reading has been good lately as well, keeping my mind focused and imaginative. But my physical and social is the real problem.

My weight loss journey will be a long one; Rome wasn’t built in a day, after all. I need to have patience. And I know the pregnancy changed my body in a lot of ways. But it’s hard to look at a picture from before the pregnancy, where I had started my weight loss journey initially and then now. I need my gym outlet back! It was extremely therapeutic for me to go in with my workout plan and just lift weights. The stress, anxiety, everything just melted away and I felt great. I miss it quite a bit. However, now I have to think; When can I go? Who will watch the baby for us? Can I change my schedule to go super early in the morning? All good questions and all without an answer. Unbalanced.

The social aspect; well I thought about mommy support groups and such, but to be completely honest, it doesn’t feel like something I’d enjoy. I thought about taking a class, my husband also suggested it today as well. A cooking class would be nice, or maybe a language class, but not sure where I’d go for that. I do try to keep in touch with my friends and family the best I can, but everyone has their own lives. Understandably so. But what do I do? How do I fix it? Unbalanced.

This doesn’t just happen to pregnant women, I’m sure everyone goes through this at some point in their lives. Maybe I’m just abnormal in this postpartum recovery and this is my time to restructure and re-balance.

How do you deal with your life when it becomes unbalanced?

Ciao!

Posted in Health & Wellness

My Struggles About Breastfeeding…

Posted on by Mama

Before I got pregnant, I never really thought about being pregnant and whether I would breastfeed or formula feed. But it’s a pretty important factor into how you want to raise and feed your baby. You can read article and studies galore on each, and I do suggest you research both sides. However, when I found out I was pregnant, I knew I wanted to breastfeed my baby. It wasn’t even a question, but I was worried I wouldn’t produce enough milk and sadly, my concern was accurate.

As the months passed on and I got closer to my due date, my Midwife suggested I begin to collect Colostrum. For those who don’t know (I didn’t have a clue), Colostrum is “liquid gold” for babies. Colostrum is the first milk that your body produces while you are pregnant and a few days after you give birth; it is almost like a light amber or yellow colour. Colostrum contains many different elements for supporting growth, development and immune defense for your baby.

We bought 1 ml syringes and I went to town! I was producing quite a bit of Colostrum, I was able to fill about 10-12 syringes and it looked promising for my milk production. At least that’s what my husband and I thought.

In the coming weeks following up to my daughter’s birth, I kept watching videos on proper latching, different positions for feeding, signs and remedies for sore nipples/blocked ducts. You name it, I watched or read it and I was ready!

When my daughter was born, we attempted to breast feed her and she latched immediately. Both my Midwife and Doula were stunned! My Doula even said “This normally doesn’t happen for first time mom’s, where the baby just latches so naturally.” It made me feel very proud of myself and proud of her that she took to my breast so quickly.

The following days, weeks and months however, was a different story all together. Not only was I dealing with a bit of Postpartum depression, but I was struggling to feed my baby. She wasn’t gaining much weight after her birth and she was wailing from starvation; unknown to my husband and I until our midwife pointed it out. Unfortunately, we needed to implement formula to make up for my lack of production. It devastated me and I felt like a failure.

I can’t describe the emotional toll breastfeeding and the struggles I had with it really took on me. It’s something only another struggling mom would understand. It was a beautiful bond with my daughter; to feed and nourish her from me. But that bond was broken when my milk supply tanked from sickness.

I tried everything and I mean EVERYTHING! Multiple different supplements and drops, lactation cookies, power pump sessions, pumping every hour, etc. You name it, I tried it. And for a short time my supply went up from these drops called – Milk Aplenty by Rumina. Baby girl was feeding hourly, I was pumping and even leaking some mornings when I got up from bed. Too much info probably I know, but I’m being real. Things were going amazing and I began to be hopeful at her 2 month mark.

Then….the bomb struck….

We all got really sick: our daughter, my husband and I. Two months old and extremely sick. So, not only had my body been under stress from breastfeeding and trying everything in my power for my production but now I had stress from caring/worrying about my sick daughter. Then my eardrum ruptured from my sickness as I was incredibly congested and that was it. Antibiotics and a slew of other meds and my supply plummeted.

For weeks after I tried to bring it back up, and unfortunately my daughter stopped latching to me when she got sick. Her congestion was so bad she couldn’t feed without having her nasal passages cleared first. I tried latching her a few times, but gave up on that too. I didn’t want her crying and stressed out while I tried to latch/feed her, she didn’t even want to be near my nipples. That was a terrible feeling.

I felt defeated, devastated, hopeless and a total failure to her. I tried. I was determined and ultimately I couldn’t succeed.

My husband was supportive, and kept encouraging me to try. I’d get upset with him when he would make suggestions or try to be encouraging. It wasn’t right, but it became a very sensitive topic for me. I didn’t want any advice about it near the end. And when I finally decided to give up, he hugged me and said “You are more then just milk baby, you are a wonderful mother and gave what you could.” I will always remember that.

I feel like women don’t discuss the struggles of breastfeeding as openly, or maybe that’s just my opinion. But it needs to be discussed more. So, if you are a mom struggling, do your best and give your baby what you can. And don’t let anyone dictate when you should stop trying, only you know when you are emotionally and physically spent, especially in this department. Know that I am here for you and I know your struggles.

Now I can be less stressed and focus on my beautiful baby girl Valeria and truly cherishing her developmental moments.

I’m here if you need me.

Ciao